That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
