strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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