I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
