If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
