Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Shame - the story of my life.
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