I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a search helicopter?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
