I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
