there's paper in my vomit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
