you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So. Much. Porn.
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