i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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