first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
