im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
