a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
