did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
