He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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