i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wear drunk well.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
