dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
