I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
