Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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