like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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