how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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