My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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