What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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