Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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