I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
