Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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