Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
