yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've blown a few things in my day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
