Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
