is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
