My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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