he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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