On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
