Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
