is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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