Welp...herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
