He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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