apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
