I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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