the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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