I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
