My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we're so committed to being not committed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
