people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
