Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
