Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
