u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
