Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
