Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
