I'm so fucking centered right now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
