i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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