I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
