he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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