She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You have to summon your inner elephant
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
