so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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