I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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