I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
