I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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