Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
