Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize