operation harelip BJ is a go
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
