i just made my gag reflex go away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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