My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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